she stares silently at the screen, the blinking cursor taunting her like a well-worn enemy.
her words, timid and unsure, seem to prove the thoughts she avoids – no one listens because no one likes the mess.
she almost listens. her backspace key knows the touch of her hesitant finger. but this time? this time she pushes through despite the fear.
she waits for the words.
she waits because she knows they will come.
slowly, surely, they peek around the corner and squint from the light.
Your love broke me and put me right
she knows this to be true. her heart still feels the tender pull of deep-cleaning’s scars and she’s learned to anticipate the sudden rush of memory. she thinks of the past few months – the tears and the heavy-inked pages lined with her questions of why. she knows she may never understand.
just like she knows He will always offer His hand.
the words come easier now, her story always just below the surface but never willing for show-and-tell. it takes some prodding – some reminders of Who the story truly belongs to and whispers of protection always help. it’s what she loves, what she’s always relied on, these words. friends from long ago who first knew the lack of self worth and the questions of love.
Your love broke me and put me right
yes. she knows this now. she knows she’ll never forget the day she breathed deep and faced the past in the arms of One who held her hand. the rushing of disbelief and the clawing of memory came swift and unexpected. but in the end, His love won the fight. picking her up from the ground – broken and bloody – He began the work of a surgeon’s hand.
mending
re-breaking
cleansing
healing
she still stares at the screen. the cursor doesn’t seem as much of an enemy now. slowly, she’s understanding that these words are not her own but His. slowly, she’s allowing herself the moment of rest before jumping in – His storytelling is always so much better than her own anyways.
I feel the tension and then the breaking of it through your words. …cleansing, healing… He is good.
Elora, you are simply more aware of God’s presence than I am. I do not often think of writing as being a mission of or for God. I certainly sense it is part of what I am made for, and thereby something that pleases God when I do it and do it well, but I never really think of it as being “His words” as you put it. Interesting.
it hasn’t always been this way, david. actually, i’d say within the past year i’ve felt {and seen} the hand of God so woven into everything i do – leaves me no choice but to recognize His presence.
your love broke me and put me right…powerful line there…and how true…also love that last line…also very true…
elora. oh. i wish that were enough b/cs in my head it is. does that even make sense? the breaking. the healing. the hearing. to be put right….this is the purpose of our salvation. and i just ache w/ knowing your love of Story. of the storymaker and the story in us and the story by us that we make along the way.
this is beautiful. beautiful.
it does make sense, misty. thank you so much.
I love that she shares the mess. The mess is what touches my heart and lets me know that I am not alone, not the only one in a mess. The rebreak is hard. I don’t know your whole story but I have experienced that. But when I was rebroken and brought it to Him for healing (sometimes over and over again), He was thorough and faithful. I now have scars, beautiful pink and sometimes twingey, where I had hidden, festering wounds. Keep facing the cursor.
“But when I was rebroken and brought it to Him for healing (sometimes over and over again), He was thorough and faithful.”
this is so encouraging – to know someone else has experienced the rebreaking…over and over and over again…
This is like an insight into my own mind recently. Sharing a story, my story, and it’s a step of faith to believe that the words will come. I love the ways Jesus has met me in this journey. Your words are greatly appreciated today.
it’s such a step of faith, melissa. praying for you.
beautiful words. i am amazed by this love and healing evidenced in the broken. It doesn’t make sense and yet it is. And yes, you’re right. His storytelling is always so much better than ours.
When I pause to tune in to Him before starting off I can completely tell the difference. I can crank out words if I want to, but His words are so much…more. Love this, Elora!
this post broke me and put me right, elora. incredible.
thank you so much, emily. you’re so encouraging.