a year ago, i claimed a word as my own.
it came to me first. driving down the freeway and talking with a friend on the phone, jubilee hit me square in the chest and wouldn’t let go.
it’s been there ever since – pushing, nudging, pursuing.
and much like this word, my word for 2012 came to me early. i knew it when i saw it, and i hesitated when i felt the familiar weight settle in my chest. i knew it was taking up residence – pushing around old things and making room for new lessons on trust and vulnerability and healing.
i resisted – and when i resisted i knew i had no other choice but to accept the word as my own.
i’ve come to realize jubilee isn’t going anywhere.
when you begin to pursue healing and freedom, you experience resistance but so often the strength to get through whatever obstacle you’re facing is available. all you need to do is {abide}. this is one of the biggest lessons i learned last year – one of the biggest lessons i’m continuing to learn daily.
i don’t know how to stay.
i mentioned this shortly after latching on to jubilee. i spoke of aslan’s claws, ready for the undressing. i spoke of my hesitancy, and the rebreaking that occurred right after.
and i learned something in those moments that i need to carry over into this year – my Father is not safe.
but He is so, so good.
there were times this past year i allowed myself to rest in His arms. but it wasn’t consistent. far too often i ran. far too often, my fear of vulnerability and pain and healing took precedence over His touch.
so in 2012, i choose to {abide} in jubilee. i’m clinging tight and letting the process take the time it needs.
i will be present in vulnerability. i will not run. i will not detach emotionally.
i will rest in the incredible truth of His love and i will do so until i believe it with every fiber of my being. it will be messy, probably awkward at times. i’ll step on toes as i break in a new set of sea-legs.
but in the end it will be worth it – all the tears, all the running – resting in His embrace and learning of His love…i really can’t imagine any better way to spend a year.
right here with you, my friend.
yours is such a good word. life happens when you abide. i can see you, still and waiting, hands open to give or receive in the voluptuous currents of life.
so much love.
“life happens when you abide”
i think this may be one of the most profound things anyone has ever reminded me. it’s so true, isn’t it?
i needed this today. thank you.
you’re so welcome!
What a beautiful word. Like yours I know mine will not be easy either. When it came to me I resisted but God had other plans. I’ll be sharing it soon.
i love how these words find us. prudence spoke of this earlier – how God knew she would need grace in 2011. it’s incredible to see the lessons we’ve learned in community
mmm… so good…
I’ve found that each of my words has stayed with me long past the year that they named… that they continue to shape me and my life.
As for this year, for the second year in a row, the word (which I’ll be sharing tomorrow) was not the word I thought I’d pick. My words have been more active, and it’s the second year in a row that the word that found me was not at all an active word. And yet, like you said in one of the comments, my word for 2011 (heal) was the word God knew I would need. And that gives me just a bit more ability to trust that the word that has come to me for 2012 is also just the word that I need.
“my Father is not safe.
but He is so, so good.”
This. This is scary. I run from it though I know it to be true. I’m tired hurting and sometimes I feel the further away I am from God the further away I am from pain, being asked to do something wildly brave, to face fears and be vulnerable in a way that people will see the unwashed tears on my face…
but then again, the further I am from Him the more vulnerable and unprotected I feel.
Abide. A good word.
“the further away i am from Him the more vulnerable and unprotected i feel.”
oh my yes.
Love this, friend. I’m excited to see where it takes you but more so, how it lets you simply be.
Love this & you. Growth comes in abiding. If we yank a tree out of the ground because we’re afraid it will get battered in the storm, it will never grow roots or branches strong enough to weather even the smallest wind. If we allow it to abide in the dirt and the wind, it will grow strong.
holy cow. that image…it’s perfect. i love you.
Powerful words!! excited to learn from your journey this year!