first steps.

last week, i wrote something about taking ownership of your dreams. as much as it was a challenge for others, it was a swift kick in the gut for myself. i said i would post something the next day about the step i took to achieve my dreams, but i didn't. obviously. but i did take a step.

it was a small step. but, something potentially huge in terms of my big ol' dreams.

i let go.

it seems a bit counterintuitive. it seems that, in an effort to gain your dreams you need to wrestle & fight & tear at the fabric of life until you get what you want. and sometimes, this is needed.

but i needed to let go.

since January, i have had five job interviews. well, five until this morning - but that comes later.

five job interviews which resulted in pretty much...nothing. nothing but rejection. nothing but "we went with another candidate" or "you are wonderful, but a bit too advanced for our school" or my personal favorite - silence. no reply, no call back, nada.

and once i wrote that last post, i was through. i was so finished with even trying anymore - i mean sure, getting a job in Austin is one of my dreams because it would be a step closer to where i want to be & it would make life a whole lot easier...but it's not worth my heart being ripped to shreds, right?

so i gave up. i let go.

i quit filling out applications.  i quit calling the schools. i quit looking. i just...waited. i knew i had filled out countless applications & sent in dozens of resumes to pretty much every district & charter school in this area. if they wanted me, they'd call.

yesterday, while russ & i were at Avenue 5 cosmetology school with our girl marisa, i received a phone call from a local school district. they wanted to know if i was interested in a literacy coach position.

basically, a literacy coach helps other teachers.  content area reading is a constant struggle - no surprise - & literacy coaches really just guide teachers to becoming the best teacher for their students. for lack of explanation - it seems perfect.

so i interviewed this morning for the position.

i haven't heard from them, & i may not for awhile. i leave tomorrow for a conference with some of my colleagues & i pray i know before we leave what the decision is & where i stand. do i want this job? heck.yes. it sounds...amazing. more than any of the other interviews i felt excited about the prospect of working in this capacity. but. will i be heartbroken if i don't get this job?

no. disappointed? yes. heartbroken? no. i think for the first time in this whole process, i feel at peace - knowing that wherever i end up, God's got me. he knows my desires. he knows my heart & my dreams - he placed them there. naturally, he will help me achieve them...in His timing.

so, my first steps. i laid down the gauntlet & followed through. how about you? did you take any steps towards achieving your dreams? let me know. they may be small - miniscule even to the naked eye - but they are still steps. because, if there is one thing i have realized in the course of this week, it's that in order to start flying, you have to run to the edge of the cliff & jump.

Posted on July 16, 2009 .