I wrote this almost a year ago - and here I am - in the exact same place. I pray this next year brings Russ and I into deeper and more authentic relationships. And that we finally find a community of believers who want to do life with us. Ragged Edges.
That's a good description of my life right now. There have been so many things happening in the past few months, sometimes I feel as if I am barely hanging on to the side of the boat.
Life is never easy. I get that. And I understand that sometimes, you have to walk through the valley in order to get to the mountaintop. I've heard these cliches like a broken record my entire life.
But no one ever prepared me for the cruelties of pruning. The cutting away of dead pieces hurt. The fact they are dead means nothing to the truth that they are still a very much a part of who you are. And when these pieces are gone...pain remains.
We were made for relationships. I was reminded of that today. Lately, Russ and I have gone through a period where everyone who we considered a close friend has disappeared. It's left us in an interesting position. Hurting for lost friendships, yet anxious for what Christ is preparing us for.
You know those desert clips? The ones where some guy stumbles through a desert, with cracked skin and a leathery face? All of the sudden, he sees a huge pool of sparkling water. Fresh, beautiful, clean and cold. He jumps in, only to be greeted with a mouthful of sand and pieces of tumbleweed. It was a mirage.
That man is me.
And I know that desert places are essential in our walk with Christ. And I know that pruning calls us to a deeper understanding of complete trust in Him.
But it doesn't change the pain and it doesn't ease the burden of knowing you still have a long way to go and mirages are just something you are going to have to deal with - because on this road thirst is a part of the equation.
I am so....thirsty....
Thirsty for healing Thirsty for a fresh start Thirsty for authentic relationships Thirsty for laughter Thirsty for words.... Thirsty for His touch.
So this is me. Broken. Hurting. Waiting.
A new day is coming. A day where the glistening water won't be a mirage and growth will start replacing the dead pieces. It might not be tomorrow, or the next day, but it will come.
When the world is falling out from under me, I'll be found in You - still standing. Every fear and accusation, under my feet When time and space are through - I'll be found in You. You make all things new. - Brooke Fraser