Earlier this year, Russ and I did a modified Ramadan fast. Our church was doing a spiritual journey together, and the pastor asked us to fast from one thing for about a month. At first, I thought about fasting from TV - last spring brought a new revelation of how dependent I could be on the TV for entertaining me (go figure) while Russ was gone. But, that proved difficult because Russ didn't feel led in that direction - and so what would I be doing if he decided to watch hulu or something? We needed a thing we could do together - not because we are married and have to fast the same way - but because we knew we'd be the only accountability partner the other person had and well...it's easier if you're living in the same house, right? We both decided food. Oh food. It's so tantalizing. Just thinking about delicious meals gets me excited. Call me a chef's wife, I guess. But - through this time period, God really convicted me of a few things. Namely: my emotional eating. It's a tough pill to swallow. I mean, you hear jokes about it all the time. But when you are overweight, emotional eating does nothing but feed the flame. There was one thing God kept telling me during this time - I am your portion. It made sense then - it was a bit of a Eureka! moment.
This past week was awful. I mean, awful. Besides being absolutely exhausted, I was emotional. Habitually, emotional = poor eating choices, and this past week was certainly no exception. I had my days. I even worked out on Thursday night. But as I sat down to write this post, I went back and reread my old skinny me posts. Something from my very first post struck me:
I would rather go to the One who knows me – knows my heart’s desires & why I just can’t say no – & allow Him to heal me.
Because that’s what it’s going to take…you know this, right?
Anything that takes precedence over our relationship with our Savior threatens to tear everything apart. Our heart, our home, our mind…our body. Regardless of whether it’s food, pornography, sex, alcohol, eating disorders, lying, stealing, adultery….
it’s all the same.
You see, there’s a reason why Jesus asks the question: “What could you ever trade your soul for?”
bottom line: He wants nothing…nothing…getting in the way of our relationship with Him.
are you trading your soul for something other than its best?
I read this and smiled - I'm anxious to get back to the center. To return to the One who CAN heal me and CAN satisfy my every need. I don't need to call a 1-800 number or have Jillian whip me into shape. None of this will help if there's not some change within my heart. I will have hard days. I will have moments where the hurt seems overwhelming and the last thing I want to worry about is calories. But. Before anything takes precedence - before anything steps into the spot where He belongs - I must run to my Father's arms and seek healing. Wisdom. Love.
Because whatever I need - He's the cure.
Where are you looking for fulfillment? What's your cure?
My goals for this week:
- Spend time in His word every day. And not just a brief skim over either - journaling. Praying. Seeking. Standing in the gap for my own heart and my husband and my family...finding the relationship with Him I crave. Never giving up until I get it.
- Drink at least 64 oz. of water a day.
- Work out five times for at least 30 minutes.
- No eating after 9pm - anything.
- Finish Fluke by Christopher Moore
- Write at least four blog posts
- Write a chapter in my novel
- Get 7 hours of sleep a night (gosh I miss this)
- Lose 1% of my current weight
Now it's your turn. Any goals for this week? Don't hold back.