I'm sitting here, staring at my dog sleeping on our huge chair he's claimed as his own, and I can't help but wonder - Man I wish I could blink my eyes and it be next year - I'll be skinnier. Healthier. Russ will have a job and we won't be biting our nails about loan forbearance...
And then I laugh, because really - that's sucking all the joy out of life. Yeah, the first week of 2010 was less than thrilling. I posted about my goals for 2010 a couple days ago, and as far as this past week is concerned, well - let's just be honest. It was a failure. We're stressing about finances. We're dealing with some hurt. We're licking our wounds and looking to Christ for some answers. But to check out? To just turn our back on what He could do this year? So not worth it.
I'm doing one of those reading plans through YouVersion. Given the circumstances, I decided the one that takes you through Psalms and Provers all year long would be perfect. And so far, it's been just what I need.
You took over and set everything right; when I needed you, you were there, taking charge. Psalm 9:4
Don't you wish for this sometimes? A reminder that when we are the most tired and worn out - He's there. He knows our battles. He wants to fight them for us. We just have to ask. We just have to need Him. After all - we're nothing without Him.
God's a safe-house for the battered, a sanctuary during bad times. Psalm 9:9
If there is any doubt in you - any wonder if God could possibly guard your heart and protect you and minister healing to your broken heart - please hear me: He can. He will. Just ask.
I've been home alone a lot this past week. Normally, I grab something to eat, take a shower, crawl into bed with a book or hunker down for some writing. Peaceful evenings. I crave them after my hectic days with teenagers and administrators. But Tuesday was different. I needed time with my Savior. So, I pulled out my Bible and opened up to Psalm 119. And I swear for the next thirty minutes it felt like I was sitting on His lap, listening to His heart for me. It was beautiful. He is my refuge - my safe house. I run to Him because He's the only one who won't disappoint. The only one who makes me satisfied. He is my lover and best friend and father and master of my heart. He is my everything.
I smile. I look around my small living room at everything I have and know that it is so much compared to some. I have a roof over my head. And although I'm considering putting on some gloves because of the frigid temperatures seeping in through the vents, I think of my friends who don't have a place and say a prayer they find some place warm to sleep tonight. My life may not always go my way. My life is not my own. It may not be the start of the year I anticipated, but one of my friends told me the other night, "everything that happens to you screams of His love. You are here - in this season - because He loves you. You are hurting and confused - because He loves you. Rest in His promise and love and wait for Him."