gift of broken dreams

earlier this summer, i applied for a dream job. this job had my name written all over it. closer to home, working with teachers to implement service learning within their curriculum, a bit more a lot more pay than what i currently make...

it.was.perfect.

and then i got the call for an interview. and then i got the call for another interview. and then they wanted to meet me face to face.

everything was spinning wildly towards my goal - and i almost started to believe in what my heart desperately wanted.

the day before we left for Africa, i got the e-mail saying they had chosen someone else.

devastation doesn't even really begin to describe what i felt at that moment. i just...didn't understand. and in my brokenness, i was forced towards Him. during those moments i allowed my heart to take over, i forgot what was important. for a few moments, all i thought about were short commutes and fancy clothes and clean credit card bills. sitting on my bed with tears running down my cheeks, i almost didn't even want to ask why. i didn't want to hear the possible, "i have you where i want you" response. but He has a funny way of making Himself known.

while in Africa, one of the most common messages i kept hearing was, "I am here. You are not alone." and for so many reasons, this reminder meant everything to me. sitting in the patch of dirt, holding on to Rose's hand as she explained to me her parents died in a car accident a year ago, i latched onto this truth. suddenly, my broken dreams of a fancy job just didn't quite sit well with me. i remembered the kids sitting in desks and walking through the door of my classroom, and my heart felt at home. for now, i knew where i needed to be - where He placed me.

on Monday i return back to the classroom. i'm not sure why i'm spending two hours of each day in my car again...but i rest in the fact that there's something bigger i haven't seen. i'm resting in the truth that i'm not alone - and He in fact does know my every need.

Posted on August 21, 2010 .