in wait.

it's hard to know where to even begin. a couple weeks ago, i walked away from this space so we could better understand playing in the pain. i wanted us to dwell - to sit and ponder with each other the significance of disquietude in our own lives.

i cannot truly express how grateful i am for each of you who shared your stories. ย every single one of you spoke to my heart in a very real way this month. and as we move on to finish out this year, i'm so thankful for the community being birthed here.

so what was i doing these past few weeks?

well.ย i ended up playing in the pain myself.

but God is good and true and never leaves us hanging. as this new season dawns and hearts turn towards expectation, i cannot help but think of advent. more than ever, i understand this process of wait. the nervousness - the excitement - the fear: He is coming. the One we were promised. the One who will heal us.

the me of three weeks ago does not recognize who i am today. this is what i prayed for - the courage and willingness to step out, however shaky, into the unknown. i did it. and now, i wait.

but just like with the expectation of His birth, just like the angels waiting with baited breath to celebrate the coming King, ย my heart leans into His promise. daily i take my Isaac & lay him down. daily i live with the tension of holding on to His promise & loving Him more than anything. because here is the truth: my God? He is Jehovah Jireh. He has already provided for our deepest need by sending His own son as a sacrifice.

why would He withhold anything else?

these past few weeks left me hungry for more. in the moments my weakness wiggled free and thrashed it's ugly claws, He was there to save me. in the moments i could do nothing but sit and weep, wondering how and when - focusing on fear instead of His provision - He rescued me.

advent is here. and if i let myself, i can be completely swept away with the beauty of the season of wait.

breathe the frigid air - let it speak life into your bones.

rescue is coming.

Posted on November 28, 2010 .