i still remember. i still remember rushing inside from the cold, wishing we'd thought ahead of the front moving across the city.

i still remember collapsing on my couch - satisfied and yet wanting - knowing there's always something i haven't yet found. i spent that night dreaming and planning, talking of story and speaking things into the silence, hoping for one thing to catch.

i still remember the news. the confusion. the drop in the pit of my stomach and the tears flowing unwillingly from my eyes. glancing up at my sister, we drew in the pain and prayed. how easy it is to disconnect from your heart.

i still remember the pictures. majestic buildings belittled and tiny hands reaching for home. i still remember the ache in my heart that lasted for days, the desire to return to find my missing pieces, knowing those had long been buried in the red dirt of the jungle.

i still remember, because it caused me to look forward. the day the earth shook, something in my soul shifted. a sleeping part of my heart woke and wouldn't let me go - the brown eyes looking back at me from pictures and the stories coming to life before me begged for attention. there was no mistaking it was His hand that gently held my chin so i couldn't look away.

i still remember because in that moment, i realized there would be one waiting on my obedience. and just like the beautiful scenes of redemption and rescue playing themselves out in front of me  - just like the beaming boy with hands raised high in jubilee - my heart was rescued from unbelief.

i still remember the day the earth shook my heart into submission. and though it still pains me to see the devastation and disease, i know Hope rings true even today.

Posted on January 12, 2011 and filed under adoption.