tension.

we spoke of story last night. huddled around a wooden table, warm in our sweaters and scarves, we escaped the bone crushing cold. a society of hope, out-of sorts and willing to live in perpetual tension. we view the world differently, we see the rays cascading down the sky and know it's origin. we allow feeling in order to grow, in order to push us into the moment of muse where words fall unheeded onto a page.

we are the storytellers.

we recognize the solitude of our art but crave the yes of others, the eye gaze of one similar. and so last night, bent low together as we wrestled with the goodness of Him - the ultimate Storyteller - i felt my heart come alive.

sometimes i wrinkle my brow in frustration. sometimes, i view this gift of perpetual tension as a thorn in my side. why must i be different? goodness knows the simple emotions associated with this craft can be heavy burdens for anyone. sometimes i wish to be logical, sometimes i wish i wasn't a dreamer.

sometimes i forget my purpose.

living in tension allows me to see things others miss. living in tension bends my heart toward the suffering of others. it may not be easy, but this dreaming soul needs to welcome the thoughts and hopes and prayers given to me by the Creator of my story - no one likes a rogue character. and the words coming to me in the blackest of moments may be raw but they are holy and true - evidence of One who breaks in order to restore.

so i sat there, listening to others willing to turn their backs on the expected in order to reveal the true Hero, my heart began to breathe again.

it's always good to remember. and last night as i braced myself against the wind and walked to my car, i knew something within me changed. for once, i believed His purpose for me. for once, the dream He's placed in my heart began to root deep into places i've cut it off. i don't know why it's difficult for us storytellers to dive into His purpose of speaking through us His love and truth, but slowly, i'm finding this changing.

and more than ever before, i know it's vital for me to be comfortable in my own skin - even if it takes me to places from which i ache to be free.

Posted on February 3, 2011 and filed under story.