the heavy hand of Love

sometimes, the heavy-handed glory of God moves so distinctly it results in a holy fear. welcome to my past week.

if you remember correctly, i'm supposed to be on my way to africa right now. a friend asked russ & me in november to accompany him on an exploratory trip to the horn of africa. because our heart already leaned in that direction with the adoption, we immediately said yes. we went to the meetings, began fundraising, and this past sunday started packing with our new rei gear.

but, their plane just lifted off american soil, and i'm not with them.

i would appreciate your prayers. the short of the story is this: i had my gallbladder removed in an emergency surgery tuesday afternoon. the doctor gave us the picture and a friend said it looked like a rotten pomegranate. i think it looks more like a rock garden than a human organ. every once in awhile my eyes fall on the picture and i'm overwhelmed. overwhelmed by His mercy. overwhelmed by His protection. overwhelmed by His timing.

there's absolutely no reason why my gallbladder shouldn't have ruptured. the surgeon told russ he'd never seen anything like it before. he had the three medical students drooling behind him to prove it.

my heart aches because i'm not with my love. they posted a picture on twitter earlier this morning and it was them on the flight to africa - an empty seat next to russ. i cried, then - because i've given up trying to understand. what i do know is this: His timing is perfect. everything about this situation screams His name because there's no way i'd ever anticipate or plan this happening. russ & i do everything together. it's been over two years since we've spent close to a week apart.

if this were to have happened just one week later, i'd be in a potentially life-threatening position.

we all have plans. but the reality is we have no idea what will happen from day-to-day. i can spend this week pulling out my hair trying to figure out why i needed to stay behind, or i can take deep breaths and rely on the One who brought me here.

Posted on March 12, 2011 .