no difference

a friend tweeted this evening: i remember what i felt on september 11. i don't feel any different today - just more sadness. and i started thinking of grace. i started wondering where we got this notion of shaking our fists in the air and hollering about deserved judgment and celebrating eternal hell.

am i not as broken?

am i not as needy?

in my darkest and dirtiest moments am i not as desperate for Rescue?


and this is why i'm awake right now.

i get justice. i get someone paying for what they've done and punishment deserved. i understand the lives lost and the years spent and the sense of duty to country. i even understand the choice made - the hardened heart and the turning away from truth. i get it.

but what i don't get is the gloating.

i mean, really? celebrating about fire and gnashing of teeth and total absence of love? really?

when it all comes down to Truth, there is a soul eternally separated from the King tonight. and something within me stirs because i know this is what i deserve - my sins are no better than his, my life no more holy.

and more than anything, i can't get the message of genesis 30 i heard just hours ago out of my head. rachel and leah and jacob...all broken. all messy. all trying to do it on their own and all failing miserably. all of them coming to the realization that brokenness breeds dependence on the true King - and to cover cracks with supposed perfection is only bringing light to the dark places in our hearts.

and at the end of the day, i choose to believe that the only death that ever meant anything still rings true for redemption. the battle is HIS. judgment is HIS. eternity is HIS.

not mine.


God went for the jugular when he sent His own Son. He didn't deal with the problem as something remote and unimportant. In His Son, Jesus, He personally took on the human condition, entered the disordered mess of struggling humanity in order to set it right once and for all. The law code, weakened as it always was by fractured human nature, could never have done that. The law always ended up being used as a Band-Aid on sin instead of a deep healing of it. - Romans 8:3

Posted on May 1, 2011 .