when common grace explodes

some morning dawn crisp and cool - a promise of a new beginning etched across the sky. others, regardless of the weather, begin with a groan and a prayer. friday was one of those days.

i woke up with the ache of empty arms. the paperwork left in our adoption seemed untouchable - almost impossible. time hasn't been a friend lately, and days i hope to stay up later than normal to get some work done i crash into bed before ten o'clock. plus, i was going to need to cancel my appointment with my therapist because we just didn't have the money. i drove to work heavy-hearted and discouraged. i didn't want to give thanks. instead, i worried.

i worried about the red numbers in our bank account vs. the needed money for our adoption. i worried about russ' car - needing expensive repair. i worried about the student loans and the credit cards and the doctor bills. i worried about gas prices and commuting. i worried about russ finding private dinners during the summer when he's not paid. i worried about never finishing my manuscript. i worried about people not reading it.

there's a funny thing about human nature: we like to think we can do it all ourselves. looking at the impossibilities, i started scheming. what if i got a second job? is there anything else we can sell? i started wishing. if only we could pay off these debts - we'd have so much more flexibility. i started compromising.

i spent all day wavering between a false hope and bitter disappointment. and although my emotions are important, the wavering reminded me of being tossed about in the waves. i forgot about the one truth that echoes itself through history -

but God.

so this is where i'm choosing to stand today - in the shift of His grace. in that moment where common grace explodes into the saving grace of our King - and He reminds us all is lost outside the shadow of the cross.

with ann...

0091: text messages from jesse & devonte wishing me a happy mother's day 0092: late night car rides under the big texas sky 0093: nights spent on the porch with my love 0094: the consistency of the ice cream truck's commute, joining in the eccentric soundtrack of our neighborhood 0095: words 0096: God's grace in spite of me and my unbelief 0097: empty arms on mother's day pulling my heart toward ethiopia 0098: quiet mornings spent in my classroom 0099: communing with close friends over tex-mex and gooey donuts worth waiting for 0100: naps on sweltering may afternoons 0101: waking up before the alarm 0102: a taste of my children's land every morning - a reminder of the wait 0103: 17 days of school left 0104: canceled appointment being a reminder i'm still not okay - and resting in this truth 0105: finding new trust in His provision for our adoption - remembering in His time, not ours 0106: chatting with friends via the interwebs - knowing community despite distance

what are you thankful for today, despite your circumstance?

also, we've started fundraising for our adoption. check out year of jubilee for more info.

Posted on May 9, 2011 .