a bit of a secret.

can i let you in on a little secret? a month ago, i finished my manuscript. i honestly never imagined i'd get it done. but i did, and in a rush of bravery, sent it into a publishing contest.

i found out last week i made the final five.

so for the past two weeks, judges have been reading and combing through my words - determining which of the five manuscripts will receive a publishing package.

i've been a nervous wreck.

you see, when i got the e-mail letting me know i made it through the first round, i experienced a rush of different emotions. disbelief, fear, excitement, doubt...i mean - i felt it all.

they'll announce the winner on monday, and i'm fighting the pull of self-doubt threatening to take over. not that i'm certain i'm going to win - or even feel as though i'm going to fall apart if i lose - just the butterflies of taking next steps and the unknown is enough to take my breath away. it's one of the reasons i've hesitated posting it here - the fact that i've sent in my manuscript, the excitement of making the finals, and the process of waiting {patiently} while the judges read and deliberate.

but this week i've noticed something about myself. i like to hide. and i knew this before - i knew if at all possible i don't really like the spotlight on me. but this mindset bleeds into every single facet of my life.

i bite my lip and acquiesce despite my deep feelings of resentment. i choose to limit ideas because i'm fearful of the success {and attention} of big ones. i hinder my intellect and ability because i don't want to appear too confident.

and so, in an attempt to accept who i am - including my abilities God's gifted me in order to bring Him glory and tell His story - i share with you this incredible opportunity i've been given.

i am a writer. i feel deeply. i cry easily. and Beauty, regardless of the medium, makes me feel alive.

welcome to my story.

Posted on June 23, 2011 .