the depths

tonight i shared my story. not the watered-down version. not the one where everything wraps up nicely like a 30 minute sitcom. i shared the real one. the one that causes my knees to buckle and my breath to catch on words i'd rather not say.

five months ago when i walked into recovery for the first time, i thought i'd fly through the steps. my issues weren't like others - i didn't have a crippling addiction or a sordid past. within the first week, God ripped this belief from my grasp and caused me to fall dirty and crushed and spent. i quickly realized just how broken i was - how much i needed restoration.

tonight was no different. i walked in to the room much like i did in january. broken. angry. frustrated. eyes swollen with tears and journal freshly pressed with new words from an outraged pen.

and then i was reminded that He's my Healer. He's more than enough when i feel too much. i was reminded He holds my world in His hands - my past is no surprise to Him and nothing will be wasted.

i was reminded that nothing is impossible - even restoration.

so when i sat down with my group of girls for the last time and shared my story - how God lifted me from my numbness and turned my stone-heart into one of flesh - i couldn't help but think of the process. i may not be whole. five months into the steps i may not be where i imagined myself when i started the program. i still struggle with fear and worry and anger and the pull of memories taking over.

but i can't help the smile when i think about the depths from which He's brought me.

Posted on June 13, 2011 .