remember well

i sat next to russ, fighting to stay attentive to the sermon. i'm not one of those who believe i have to be quickened to my knees every sunday - i don't think God always speaks to us through tears and lightning bolts of understanding. but this was something all together different. i couldn't stay focused and it bothered me. but i kept trying, and i kept turning to the passages spoken from the stage, hoping there'd be some nugget of truth i could cling to - something i could take with me.

here's the thing: i've had a hard time focusing lately. i spoke about this to my sponsor last week - a sense of frustration rising up inside as i stumbled over words and attempted to describe the blockage i felt. she looked at me and with no hesitation told me to start praying against spiritual warfare.

"you feel, elora. you aren't someone who lives day by day just trying to get by" she said and i knew she was right. so i left and began praying for God to move - to break through whatever was attempting to keep me unfocused and to allow me to feel again. even if this meant pain. even if it meant facing some of my demons.

so sitting there on sunday morning, my lips moved to the words prone to wander, Lord i feel it and i knew in so many ways the song was for me. i knew the words spoken were for me as well - remembering the hope we have in Him. remembering the depths from which He's brought us. but i still didn't feel anything.

and then we turned to deuteronomy and read these verses:

God wasn't attracted to you and didn't choose you because you were big and important - the fact is, there was almost nothing to you. He did it out of sheer love, keeping the promise He made to your ancestors. God stepped in and mightily brought you back out of that world of slavery, freed you from the iron grip of Pharoah king of Egypt. know this: God, your God, is God indeed, a God you can depend on. He keeps His covenant of loyal love with those who love Him and observe His commandments for a thousand generations - {deut 7:7-9}

we were led through other verses - God's reminder potent and obvious: you did not do this - I did. 

and then the tears fell because i knew. my life could have looked so much different. my story could have been much darker still.

but God.

and i will remember and speak of His goodness and grace for as long as i live - because i am not a slave anymore.



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Posted on July 5, 2011 .