six years.

our anniversary came and went last weekend. it was good and quiet and peaceful - a lot unlike this past year.

and the whole time i couldn't help but look at you and smile, i'm so glad you hold me. 

i'm so glad you hold me because this year i couldn't hold it together on my own. when everything seemed to be falling apart, you stepped in and held my head {and heart} above the raging waters. you held me through nights filled with tears and grabbed my hand when we laughed so hard it hurt.

and through it all i found out just how well you know me.

you know my expressions in the dark - those silent pauses meaning nothing to you because you read me anyway. i won't ever forget the moment i realized you knew me better than anyone in the world and i finally rested in your love because in your love i feel at home.

i'm not perfect. you know this. but i'm stumbling through and learning you - and there's no better place i'd rather be than you holding me. how many times last year did i whisper scared about being a mom? you just tightened your grip on my heart, leaning in to whisper your belief in me - quietly pushing away doubts of my abilities. it's in those moments i can't wait to see you father our children - tenderly whispering in their ears, quietly pushing away the fears of monsters and storms and creatures in the night.

you believe in me.

you believe in me. 

this means everything. you've gotten me to hold the microphone again and put pen to paper. you've pushed me when i needed help in believing in my story. you've held me close when i'm overwhelmed with responsibility.

you believe in me.

and as we start this seventh year i hold on tightly to your hand because it's the only thing i know.

because i'm so glad you hold me in your own.

Posted on July 8, 2011 and filed under fluttering pulses.