i've been challenged lately to live in the moment. i read a book recently that encouraged creatives to look at the color of the sky, put down twitter and well...live. so much of this made sense to me because it's in living that i'm inspired. it's in experiencing pain and joy and sorrow and disbelief that i'm prone to pick up a pen or pushed to do something i never thought possible.
i'm reading this book now and it's making me uncomfortable. it's making me uncomfortable because it's forcing me to look inward - really inward - and i'm reminded of the truth that until you admit in your innermost being that something is wrong, you won't be truly freed.
all this to say, i've realized living in the present means me finishing goals i never thought i'd achieve. it means sending the e-mail i've been meaning to send. it means enjoying the "inconvenience" of having no internet because that means i will be able to work on my new prayer room with no distractions. it means writing more, processing more, worrying less and breathing deep.
it means taking the leap of change, even if it makes no sense.
i have a little less than a year to complete about 40 goals on my list. but you know what? i looked at it recently and smiled because if it weren't for this reminder of staying present, i wouldn't have completed anything. i wouldn't have faced my fear of finishing my novel. i never would have opened up and accepted the absolute need for female friendships. i wouldn't have been insistent on creating my own space. i wouldn't have allowed the nesting that resulted in our books finally being in order and having a place of their own. i wouldn't have realized just how much i really, truly love having a nose ring.
and i never would have believed that my purpose in sharing story and writing mean anything outside of a distant hobby i just have no time for anymore.
i'll be crossing off a few more of the items in the next few months, and slowly i'm understanding the purpose of staying in the present doesn't necessarily mean you stay as busy as you possibly can so you forget about the pain or the memories or the stress. it's digging into those feelings and stating simply, you will not rule me today.