It's mornings like this I struggle. The heaviness centers me - allows me to feel alive. But there's a gnawing sense of uneasiness - out of controlness - that takes over everything else.
Be near I whisper and I know He hears.
But it's mornings like this I struggle to even hold out my hand. So I wait. I breathe. I pray and I remember.
I feel the pulsing of my heart - the fighting she does on mornings like this is exhausting. I close my eyes to focus on Him - the One with strength enough to sustain and love enough to satisfy.
That's when I know. He has never left. Not once.
And then His love overwhelms me because this Man who hung stars in the sky and breathed life into the sea chose ME?! To think in my greatest disappointment He knew - and He still chose to love....
It brings a new depth to the heaviness of my heart.
Because He who chose me before the foundations of the world can also keep me from stumbling. He can take this flesh heart fighting to be stone again and make it new. He can create life out of my dead hope and words out of my emptiness.
Even when I resist.