tears fall swiftly then - the sudden ache almost too much to bear because oh how i want to hold my baby.
and then sometimes i hope for time.
the thoughts of i'm not ready and i still have so much to learn fly through my head and it's enough to make me want to push the brakes, if just for a moment, so i can catch my breath.
i mean...everyone has issues and no one is truly "ready" to have a kid when their family is suddenly expanded by a single breath. but in these moments, i tend to hang tightly to the lie that i'm not worthy.
but His glory is blinding, and when i allow myself to fully immerse myself in Him, i'm broken for the future and it's beauty.
because He will restore the years the locusts have eaten, i can believe fully that my own insecurities mean nothing in the light of His grace. and because He makes all things new, this mom-heart can rest easy even in her fear and know the ache that grows in the center of my chest just creates the fuel for bringing our baby home.