thoughts on this mother heart.

sometimes i wonder if it will ever happen. if i will ever caress tiny hands and tiny feet in my fingers.

tears fall swiftly then - the sudden ache almost too much to bear because oh how i want to hold my baby. 

and then sometimes i hope for time.

the thoughts of i'm not ready and i still have so much to learn fly through my head and it's enough to make me want to push the brakes, if just for a moment, so i can catch my breath.

i mean...everyone has issues and no one is truly "ready" to have a kid when their family is suddenly expanded by a single breath. but in these moments, i tend to hang tightly to the lie that i'm not worthy.

but His glory is blinding, and when i allow myself to fully immerse myself in Him, i'm broken for the future and it's beauty.

because He will restore the years the locusts have eaten, i can believe fully that my own insecurities mean nothing in the light of His grace. and because He makes all things new, this mom-heart can rest easy even in her fear and know the ache that grows in the center of my chest just creates the fuel for bringing our baby home.

Posted on August 4, 2011 and filed under adoption.