You know, there is something that is simply beautiful about a blank page. It’s untouched. Waiting for the next chapter of someones life to be written all over it. It doesn’t have all of life’s mess all over it, the nitty gritty pain or the brokenness. It has an innocence to it. As beautiful and pure as it is though, it doesn’t have a story to it. It’s just blank. White. Empty. Waiting for someone or something to fill it up with stories, real stories. And when you start writing your story on a blank page, know that you are going to fill it with some kind of pain. But that is the beauty of it, when pain is present we can know that we are really living- so allow me to write and fill up this page with stories, but know that this page won’t be blank, white, or empty anymore. It will become filled with stories, life, and even some pain; it will become even more beautiful.
I've been avoiding this post. I've been avoiding it because honestly, right now it's hard for me to "rest". I find comfort in the noise of this world. I find comfort in anything that will keep my mind preoccupied from experiencing what God is trying to tell me. That sounds like a pretty intense sentence, and well, it is. I all to often find myself running away from what God is trying to do within my life. Honestly, I feel like it's because I don't want my layers to be ripped off. I don't want to experience healing or lessons or anything that will cause my heart to be affected by other peoples brokenness. This is where I am right now. It's a horrible place to be. Stuck in this routine of life that is comforting for the time being but soon becomes a place of hiding and then a place of complete bondage. Of course it's not what I want or intend, but Jesus, I am tired of feeling pain. I am tired of having my heart ripped open for all to see and having to go through another time of healing just for it to happen all over again. It's really just selfish. I understand that.
Sometimes it's easier to pretend we are resting, we have one quite time and we feel restored, we go on with our week feeding off of those 10 words we read in a devotional book or if we were lucky, actual scripture. We have one time where we are able to have creative catharsis, whether it's painting, sketching, photography, writing, stitching, whatever. We're able to work out the feelings and not suppress them into oblivion. We feel exhilarated and even a sense of accomplishment for having the courage to face the feeling and figure out what in fact that feeling is, but then we're stuck with it. Forming the codependent relationship with guilt, or shame, or pride, or materialism, or anger, or [fill in here]. And we try to apply those 10 words from the devotional we had before and the emotion is totally winning over the truths we know and we wonder why we are restless or on edge and we don't understand why God isn't showing up. Why there isn't peace or rest or restoration in my life?
Then there is the breaking point.
Where you yell at God for not showing up and you word vomit all your anger and frustrations to Him, and you tell Him how life isn't fair and all you want is rest. How simple is that? That's not asking for too much, is it? Then finally, when you are quite, when you have nothing left to say to Him, when you have nothing left to give to the situation except yourself, God moves.
This is what I have been waiting for dear child, for you to come to Me and seek Me, but really seek My face. To be real with Me and your heart. There might be pain for the night, but joy will come in the morning. You will dance with me, and sing praises to Me. Nothing else you do, nothing, will satisfy you and can give you rest like I can. So continue to seek My face, every morning, every night, every day. And yell at me when times get rough, cry with me when times get hard, dance with me when you are filled with joy - come to me. Because I want this to be a real relationship, I want you to be at peace, but you have to seek Your creator, because I am the only one that can give this to you.
Jeremiah 29:12-14 "In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”
Finding restoration in Christ alone and seeking His face- this is what I call rest. Because it's not about how worn out you are emotionally, physically, or mentally- go to Christ. He will give you rest. He will restore your dry land, He will. He does continuously, if you continuously seek Him.
And that place of hiding or place of shelter? Yeah, it has nothing compared to Jesus. You think you are living, you think you are capable, and are able to make it in this life without fully surrendering it all and really battling it out with Christ? Don't kid yourself, and don't cheat yourself. His ways are not our ways and His path is not our path. No eye has seen nor ear has heard nor mind can fully know the beauty of the plans that God has in store for us.
So let's do this together shall we? All we have to do is take one step: turn off the tv, the computer, the phone, the [whatever electronic device] and be still. Let's sit in the midst of the creator and see what feelings arise. Once they do, go to Him and be real with how you really feel about whatever is going on that is hindering you from rest - He won't disappoint.
Blanche loves capturing moments in time. Whether it be true love or true apathy, she thinks the world needs to see it and learn from it. She loves documenting moments that show Christ’s love in a more deeper and personal level than people think. She goes to A&M University, advocates for the oppressed, loves orphans and is not shy about her affinity toward hip-hop.
Most importantly, she knows brokenness and the Truth that Jesus pursues and Jesus redeems.
She blogs at Looking Through a Lens of Hope where she openly writes about His goodness through her own pain and doubt as well as shares pictures from her recent travels - most likely from Africa.