pressing into Rest {lauren's guest post}

ever since i have pressed my feet to the ground in southern california, i have been diligent about getting 8+ hours of sleep nightly.  knowing that the discipline of sleep-rest is at times the holiest thing i can do.  but amidst my self-controlled physical rest, my soul has become weary. desperate for white space but fleeing from lonely that hides around every corner. 

nothing is familiar.  from pulling onto the freeway to walking into the grocery store lonely lurks.  my heart is so tired of looking for the comforts of home in a place that just isn't yet.  and even though my friends, who i now consider family, have opened their arms wide and squeezed tightthey cannot cure the lonely.  {nor should they.}

the only way to cure the lonely is to feel it.  to allow it to permeate beneath the surface i am fighting so hard to keep it on.  because i cannot heal until i allow the pain to cut deep.  healing happens in the pain.  it's in the midst of that great ugly that we feel the gentle caress of His healing touch.

it's in that unexpected moment of giving in rest comes. 

the falling backwards.  leaning into His arms open wide.  arms that have been opened wide from the moment i said each teary goodbye and boarded a plane.  arms i have refused to fall into out of some false sense of pride that i could handle it.  believing i could control rest.  dictating where, when, and how my rest came.

i can't.

because 8+ hours of physical rest isn't curing the ache of my soul.  quite frankly, my body is giving way to sickness.  telling me in its own twisted way that i really stink at calling the shots.  but tonight that is changing.  tonight i am giving in.  falling backwards into His arms.  allowing the tears to fall and my heart to ache.  hearing His whisper. . .

. . .'come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest.'

 

do you struggle with rest?  what does soul-rest look like in your life?

lauren is a twenty-something transplanted to southern california from her home in the south.  recently, she has started todream again after facing the deep, life-altering realities of a broken engagement.  she pays her bills by working as a speech pathologist, but finds herself most comfortable making sense of life with words.  lauren candidly blogs about the realities of her journey at beautifully broken and would love nothing more than to hear your story.  

Posted on September 28, 2011 and filed under creativity & rest.