{day 11} for when you feel like throwing in the towel

double digits. i'll go ahead and be honest and admit i didn't think i'd get this far in the series.

but just like i realized last month that story shatters, i've learned over these past ten days that story haunts you.

it's the billowing clouds promising a storm and the rays of sun fighting for their own piece of the sky. it's the moon making way for the sun rising up in the east. it's the new day, every day, that leaves itself blank as a page - waiting for you to determine the ending.

you can't get away from story. and even when you're wanting to throw in the towel, even when you're wanting to think of anything but your story, that's when you must press in even harder. 

i was in this place last night. i know exactly the moment it happens - my brain feels like it's going about 1000 miles an hour and i can't.slow.down.to.catch.my.breath. yoga wasn't even working for me - the thoughts bouncing around so heavily inside that i finally gave up after 20 minutes.

this was when i realized i couldn't hide anymore. 

i opened my books, pulled out my journal, and pressed in deep.

the tears weren't far behind and i could feel the weight simultaneously lifting as well as finding new roots. eventually, there simply weren't any more words. so i found my magazines, combed through the pages, and began finding secret messages.

and it wasn't until i was pasting scraps of paper on top of each other that i realized the song playing in my ears...

this is not the end...this is not the end of this.... we will open our eyes wide - wider this is not our last...this is not our last breath we will open our mouths wide - wider

i knew then that i would get through this - and you'll get through this. finding your story can sometimes be some of the most excruciating work you do here on earth.

but this isn't the end. 

and once you finish - once you find your story and it's ready to be shared, His glory will shine like the sun 

and you will know healing.

Posted on October 11, 2011 and filed under finding{and telling}your story.