{day 15} finding your story requires embracing a new reality.

when i first started pursuing finding and telling my story, i realized quickly there would be things i needed to give up in order to be free. i couldn't cling to these things and pretend everything was okay when i was slowly realizing so much needed to change. so much of what i believed simply wasn't true.

like the fact that i had things under control when it came to eating.

or that i wasn't hurt by words spoken to me when i was younger.

and a few other things that i honestly struggle with daily in handing over {or admitting} because let's be honest - 29 years of thinking one way just doesn't change overnight.

habits die hard, and when you begin rummaging through the debris of your life in order to find themes and characters and black moments those defense mechanisms go crazy. i've said it often these past few months that i feel like i've woken up from a strange dream and what i find is an all-together different kind of reality than what i was used to - it's weird and invigorating and hurts like hell.

the other day i was texting a friend and we were laughing about our "new normal" - one filled with chaotic dreams, ugly feelings and just awkwardness. and this is a good thing. we've both dealt with the pushing away - the numbing agents set in motion so we won't feel. the new normal we find ourselves in is celebratory but also incredibly frustrating.i think i may have mentioned this because she responded with something that's been haunting me lately:

yes...this may be our normal for awhile. but just think of what it will be when we get through all of this mess! restoration is amazing.

so here's my encouragement for the weekend: consider where you're at in dealing with your story {past, present or future}. what are things you need to let go of in order to fully grasp the truth of your past? what are things you're holding on to currently that alter your reality? most importantly, how would letting these things go bring healing? i know often we feel like caterpillars - crawling through the messiness of life. but in order to truly know freedom, we need to let go of that reality - and embrace who we really are, who Christ made us to be - a caterpillar doesn't stay a caterpillar forever.

and neither do we.

Posted on October 15, 2011 and filed under finding{and telling}your story.