the shattering of heart-bones

over the past month, you've heard from some of my closest friends about creativity and rest. while they took up this space and shared their words with you, i completed the second draft to my novel and got some of my own rest - a sabbath of sorts. it was healing and calming and all-together the most beautifully chaotic experience of my life. but what i learned was something that doesn't go down easy.

story shatters.

at least, it's supposed to.

you see, i haven't just been working on my novel. i've been working on the dark places in my life - those moments i'd rather forget. and although i'm beginning to glimpse the light of redemption, i'd be lying if i failed to let you know most times that light feels like an oncoming train.

but.

i'm discovering the beauty of story. i've always loved it - i've always been obsessed with where you've been and where you want to go. there's nothing that will get me more excited than sitting down over coffee and talking about the parallels of story and the gospel. and it's only been this year that i've realized the importance of story {and Story} for myself.

my pain - my darkness - is essential to the story Christ is writing in me. and the destruction around me, the shattering of heart-bones and the pieces left unmended?

well. that's just the Master Architect at work - redesigning my life and heart and soul to its original purpose.

and let's just be honest, shall we? some days, this hurts. a lot. other days {like today} i can look you straight in the eye and tell you of my shattering and not shed a tear. and to be even more transparent? my not shedding a tear doesn't necessarily show strength. often times, it shows detachment.

because deep down, there's this refusal to own my whole story. 

to own it means to risk the labeling. to own it means to understand the necessity of sharing and healing. it means vulnerability.

and have i told you this yet? i don't like being vulnerable.

for the next 31 days, i'm going to try. 

i didn't know i'd be doing this until this morning. and when i thought about the concept and considered what my topic would be, the truth of story {both in fiction and nonfiction} wouldn't let me go.

so here it is. my first 31 days post. last month we talked about creativity and rest. this month, we're tackling one of the biggest struggles in the Christian faith: finding {and telling} our story.

i hope you join me.

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Posted on September 30, 2011 and filed under finding{and telling}your story, story.