when time stands still.

if you blink you may miss it. the moment where quiet takes over and the hush of glory leaves you breathless.

it happened to me today.

totally unassuming, i went about my day. by early afternoon i found myself in the counselor's office explaining to her some ideas left simmering for professional development. in the middle of our conversation, a colleague ducked in and congratulated me on the latest news of my novel. i debated sharing on facebook the change of publication - going straight to paperback instead of the stage of e-pub. but i did, and he saw, which brought us to a conversation about the topic of my book.

i hesitated saying anything. i don't like being "debbie downer" and not everyone likes to hear reality. but this time, i breathed deep and told him anyway. the smile didn't freeze awkwardly, there was no throat clearing or a sudden need to go pick something up forgotten in another room.

instead, he engaged in dialogue. his hands started moving and instead of looking for escape it was like something was unhinged - like thoughts swirling found their voice.

you know, this whole penn state thing? they say the worst isn't even over. they say rumor has it there could be trafficking involved. like the guy used his organization to pimp out kids or something. 

my stomach rolled in knots and my breath quickened. i could feel my vision blurring as we spoke and i fought to stay in control. and when he dropped the bomb - when he shared the latest development that still leaves me reeling - i felt the hold of One who knew all along.

in one simple conversation, one side comment about brokenness swept under, i was left undone. 

and it was in the sharp intake of breath i found a clarity.

there is a moment in all of us where our stories crash against the world's brokenness. 

and this is where we find our calling.

i'm learning mine. more importantly, i'm learning how to own it.

because there are a lot of things that excite me, and a lot of things that spark my interest. but there's only one that causes me to lose sleep. and this penn state thing? it sickens me. i probably won't sleep tonight.

but it's also reminded me of the stories that need to be told. 

and it took today for me to realize just how ordained my steps are - just how purposeful my pain has been - and how amazing it is to feel right in the center of His will. 

Posted on November 10, 2011 and filed under story.