feeling undone

i feel undone. and not just because it's early on monday morning. this undoing is the slow unraveling of everything i once held close to my chest. it's the quiet whisper of One asking me to hand over expectations and beliefs and doubt, leaving me tangled in the debris.

but it's a hopeful debris.

i think back on these past few weeks - on the realization of my tribe holding me close and the picture of me holding Him even closer. i'm not sure why i hesitate with faith. probably because my knee jerk reaction is to wonder what's on the other side, what fist is about to fall...

you would think, by now, i'd be used to the crushing. but i know from others' experiences that really, this is just the beginning. crushing means finding gems in the dust. crushing means starting from scratch - a new beginning.

and in a weird way, this undoing is just about the most invigorating thing i've ever experienced because i know only He can untangle the messy pieces. for this reason, i may be undone but i'm so thankful i'm held in His hand.

counting gifts...

0022: e-mails waiting for me from across the world 0023: hearing forgive me and realizing just how much my heart needed to know 0024: making it through a muddy 5k 0025: the surprise of colored powder in the air 0026: friends who see the metaphors in my life before i do. 0027: unexpected days off to write and dream 0028: saying no to things 0029: glimpses of what could be 0030: more paperwork sent off and a check sealing our next step in the adoption process 0031: dreaming with and for a friend

what are you thankful for today?

Posted on February 13, 2012 .