the dreaded blanket of foolishness.

when i knew God was telling us to adopt, i fought Him for two months. it made no sense.

for almost two years, it'd been my dream to grow our family through adoption, and the moment i felt Him say, "okay. now you start." i started laughing and twiddling my thumbs like a nervous grade school boy. i refused to move.

there were too many excuses - the biggest one being money. it's just foolish! i would counter His nudges and He would shake His head, tap my heart with his finger, and wait for me to obey.

that was a year and a half ago.

now, in the middle of our process, i still don't know where all the money will come from.

but i stopped believing in the foolishness of the dream and i jumped. i listened to my soul speak, recognized His voice, and took the step.

and from that very first step, every one of our needs have been met.

i couldn't help but think of this example as i read mandy's words this week. it's been a long one - last minute home study, unforeseen sickness and raging cabin fever. reading over more of the excuses crystallized a lot of what i've been feeling lately - particularly holding my dream close against those who may find it foolish.

paired with this is the ever-present demon of perfection. it makes sense to wait. it makes sense to buy into the lie that everything must be perfect in order to work well.

but if i do this, i miss the miracle of grappling with messiness. and i'm beginning to see the beauty of this unpredictability. it would have made sense for russ and i to wait and save enough for our entire adoption. if were to have done that, though, we would have missed the beauty of seeing God provide. we would have missed the lean-in to dirty faith and realizing that still small voice telling you to jump really does mean something.

question for you :: are you willing to grapple with messiness? 

next week - part 3 of tomorrow's dreams today. 

Posted on February 22, 2012 and filed under tomorrow's dreams.