This journey, this divine romance is not for the faint of heart. When life unravelled and He asked me to trust Him anyway, I thought, this is it. The ultimate test of my devotion. If I can do this, it will be so much easier on the other side.
I was so wrong and so right all at once.
Every hurdle of trust catapults me into a new dimension of mystery, uncharted territory, where the only light beaming on the path in front of me shines from my past adventures with Him. I am still at His mercy, but His past faithfulness causes the illumination to be brighter, steadier.
A ministry opportunity opened up for us, seeming too good to be true and too risky to be wise. One shaking step at a time, we inched forward, bruised by past disappointment, but healed by hope of His goodness.
(I wish, unknown reader, you were sitting across from me, cups of coffee in front of us, so I could spill all the details of this story, so I could lean in to clasp your hands, hold your gaze.)
Do not lose heart.
I have watched miracles unfold in the last three months that I can still barely wrap my mind around. To lose so much and then watch Him restore above and beyond what we lost - only He could do this.
Things are not perfect; there are still miracles - big ones - we are waiting on. But I choose every day to trust Him, choose to let Him explain when He is ready, when He knows I am ready.
I trust Him because He chose not to rescue us the first time we asked. If He had - if we had kept our house, if my husband had been offered any of the countless jobs he applied for, if relationships had not betrayed us, if doors we pounded against had flung open - we could not have walked through this door that has taken us so many steps closer to what we truly desired all along.
When all I saw were strands unravelling, I failed to see Him at work, restoring a masterpiece, drawing out layers of forgotten beauty. So I fought Him.
But I see it now, tiny glimpses as He chooses to let me peek, and though the whole picture is still unclear, the radiant colors beginning to surface cause my heart to leap with wonder and anticipation and hope.
Friend, do not lose heart. Surrender. Trust. Be restored.
The One who has called you is faithful, and He will do it.