living life awake.

542021_10152127145590004_1544791189_nThe music pulses through my ears and I pound the keys - creating a symphony of my own, one filled with words and sentences and a rhythm from deep within. I imagine this is how a pianist feels, body moving with the strings, hands earnest and moving quickly with the song he knows, the song he's birthed, the song he's felt burn deep within. My husband mentioned something to me a few months ago. He looked at me while we were at dinner and told me this whole artist piece of my soul seemed to have awakened since quitting my job. And he's right. Flinging paint on canvas, spilling words on screen, getting caught in the beauty of a sunset - it's been all I can do to stay present and not get lost in the magic of it all.

Now, I want to get lost. I want to feel the pulsing all the way to my finger tips and declare a haka-jubilee for everyone around me. I want to pound the keys and move in my seat and let the Spirit speak through me in ways I can't explain.

You can't ever explain those red-threaded connections from Spirit.

Here's some honesty: since publishing my book, I've experienced a lot of disappointment. Those voices of self-worth and doubt are loud and obnoxious and it doesn't matter how many times I'm moved to sit and close my eyes and just let the words fall, sometimes your confidence is shaken. Sometimes you wonder if you'll ever write another book. Sometimes you imagine others secretly laughing at the way a new release can kind of just pop and fizzle away.

But I know this wet blanket covering the tiny embers sparking is not meant for me. I know how He speaks, and it's not in shutting the prophet's mouth.

So I breathe in His life, and turn toward the sky, and see the sun blazing in all her glory and I know. I know from deep in my bones the words are not done. I feel them brewing, feel them shaking, feel them burning in my chest.

And this heart of mine, the one that's shed the masks and embraced the title of Braveheart - she knows too. So we find a pen, and we find a journal, and we begin to write. Begin to let the Spirit move. Begin to know what it's like to live life awake.

Also linked up with the SheLoves synchroblog for September on the theme of Awake.

Posted on September 26, 2012 .