what it looks like to risk your dream

anything possible Sometimes, words just sort of latch on to your soul without your say.

For me, this often happens through friends. A phone conversation gave me the word jubilee for 2011. One of Mandy's posts sent me reeling into {abide} for 2012.

And just the other day, standing in a friend's living room, she spoke over me and without even knowing it, confirmed everything I struggle with in this season.

"I just feel like God wants you to know your dreams are not folly and you are not foolish."

It took me awhile to process that phrase - what those words meant. I immediately relinquished any power behind them, giving excuses and fears and a whole lotta buts...

Only to have her interrupt and say, "He sees you standing in sovereignty. But those dreams? He placed those within you and listen - He gives good things. Take a risk. Take a risk on your dreams."

And I left her place shaking my head because what does that even mean? 

Since that conversation, I haven't been able to get that question out of my mind - what does taking a risk on my dreams look like?

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It means painting my soul - letting the colors stain my skin and figuring out what it means to pray through art. It means taking this painting and offering it to others - trusting someone needs it because it's what He gave me to share.

It means letting the tears flow because sometimes, risking hurts like hell and the only way to heal is to let Him near.

It means shutting the browser on the application for an English teaching position because I've been there and it sucked me dry. It means noticing the quickening of breath, the twisting of my stomach, the feeling of no oozing from every pore and recognizing the Spirit moving to intervene.

It means trusting that the funds for adoption will come - even if right now it seems pretty impossible.

It means being quiet enough to listen to my heart and what she wants - even if this scares the shit out of me because it means possible failure. Possible disappointment. Possible embarrassment.

But it also means I'm coming alive, piece by broken piece.

It's taken me almost two weeks to get to this point, and by no means are my hands wide open ready for this season. I'm learning daily to abide is to trust and to trust, for me, is to risk. And never before have I been more scared or excited about what the future will bring.

If you're interested, I'll be sharing a little bit more of what it looks like to risk on my dreams. Sign up for the newsletter here and be the first to know. And, if you want to help with our adoption, check out this post about a chance to win the above painting, "His Word in my heart like fire."

Posted on October 22, 2012 .