heart whispers :: top posts of 2012

On the cusp of 2012, I remember feeling slightly overwhelmed and a little dizzy with everything I knew the year would hold. - Publishing my book. Finally.

- Adopting a child. Hopefully.

Now, on the edge of a new year, a part of me laughs at the suppositions I made and the twists this past year held. Sure. I published my book. But much of this story remains for another day and I'm still wading through a whole lot of things regarding putting yourself out there and trusting someone else with your words.

And well...we all know where the adoption went this year. I'm still hoping - still clinging to that mama-heart that beat to life this past year.

Regardless of disappointments and surprises, 2012 was a year of restoration in so many ways. I learned what it meant to {abide} and rest in His arms completely - even when everything was falling apart. And you see this tension push-and-pulling in my words from this past year. So, here they are :: my top posts from 2012.

And remember friends - He is always faithful. May my words be proof.

The Grooves of His Hand - look around you. it’s only two days into the new year and people everywhere are talking about forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. i don’t agree. if i’ve learned anything this year, it’s the opposite.

Aslan's Mane - i could picture Him, rallying the troops – fighting off these men – and holding the girl tight in his gaze until someone else arrived…i wonder if she in turn held tight to his mane.

A Letter to My Body - your feet lead you to walk like a giant – bold in love and justice. they know where to go. trust them. let them lead you. if they want to run – let them run. if they want to curl under russ’ embrace let them do that as well. and don’t ever apologize for a good pedicure. spoil yourself. even feet deserve the touch of love.

Dwelling with the Divine Madman - the God i’m beginning to know is a Madman. the God i’m falling in love with continually reveals to me it’s not what i do that captures His heart – it’s who i am.

An {anti}marketing movement - Imagine with me if you will :: people actually working on their art because they love it.

The day I held my words - when russ got home, he asked me where my book was – he wanted to hold it. he opened it, closed it, glanced at the cover and turned it over to read the back. his fingers brushed over my name on the spine. he looked at me and gave me the smile that drives me absolutely crazy and whispered these are your words. 

Her eyes held light - it’s weird to know she’s experiencing a moment all-together gut wrenching and holy and well…other and you can’t be there, holding her hand through it all. it’s weird to know there are others who are there, taking your space, holding her steady through the storm.

There is grace waiting - all i know is tonight, i cried while passing lines of cars waiting for chicken, and i almost didn’t tell you.

Write Like Everything Mattershelp me find my story. i woke up to this email this morning – one that declared this brave soul would love to start writing things that really matter. and i would say to this person :: write like everything matters. 

Ghosts of Hemingway and Stein -  looking around, something inside me stirred. the residual paint left behind from previous owners, chipped and piled on top of each other, captured my attention on the frame of the dining room. the door in the middle of the wall – chained shut, the curtain to the kitchen – blowing with the wind of the chef and other workers getting dinner ready. it was a discordant type of symphony. an opera of antique measures.

The ice pick. - I hear the Voice deep in my bones. “I’m here. I hear. I’m not scared or disappointed. I see your anger and join with you.” I start crying then – my hands flying up to my face to hide the emotion. It’s all a little unnerving. I feel vulnerable – seen. Russ is there to pick up the pieces, holding me close and kissing the crown of my head. I lean against his chest, letting the tears fall.

Say it Holy and Broken - But don’t give me checkpoints. Don’t give me bulleted lists and hollered beliefs. I want the quickening – the inspired – the fire in bones.

When Your Heart Knows - I’m just so tired of questions. I’m tired of dodging conversation because I don’t want to admit how scared I am in this moment – how much I want to channel a spoken-word poet and spit these emotions out-out-OUT in a rhythm that matches the pulsing in my chest because it hurts. It hurts, dammit.

Bartering Art for Fame - So here’s the thing :: this here blog? I howl here. And well, if you take a look at some of the more popular blogs focused on writing and getting your voice heard, there’s not much howling going on – there’s a lot of repeats. A lot of mimicking.

And that's it - my top posts from the year. What are your favorite posts from this year? Share them with me in the comments? 

Posted on December 29, 2012 and filed under heart-whispers.