Posts tagged #marriage

your hand, your heat, your love.

sometimes it happens unexpectantly. a surprise text, a firm embrace, a caught glance across the only takes a brief second, and i've fallen in love with you all over again.

my insides turn topsy-turvy, my lips part with that sudden intake of breath, my hands instinctively reach for yours so i can feel your heat against mine.

you are my love.

other times, it happens slowly. watching tiny fingers wrap themselves around your hand like an anchor, i feel the familiar pulse beating against my ribcage. this tiny beauty does not belong to us, yet i begin to see a vision of two who are one stretching their wings to cover those He's given us. i see you taking on a role of Protector. Comforter. Fighter.

i smile, because the role fits. the little one in your arms fights against the rhythmic and firm heartbeat in your chest - the same heartbeat i've pressed up against in the middle of the night. the same heartbeat that caused my palms to tingle with anticipation and excitement five years ago. i know the warmth she feels because i've felt it myself.

and then your face breaks into a grin. you catch my eye - as you have so many times before - and you raise an eyebrow in an adorable yet absolutely irresistible way.

"maybe it's time for us to have kids after all."

my heart jumps in my throat, your words huge against the quiet surrounding us. our eyes hold words only we know - and my insides begin to dance. my hands reach for yours as i work to calm the fury of love let loose.

what i have to say belongs in the hushed hours of the morning - before the sun stretches itself across the sky. limbs tangled, we'll speak of future things and laugh so we don't cry out of fear. more than likely, i'll be overwhelmed. more than likely, i'll turn my head and lose myself in thoughts and questions. but i'll always find your hand. reaching for it, feeling your heat rest against my skin, i'll sigh and remember the moment in the coffee shop when i fell in love with you all over again.

Posted on December 16, 2010 and filed under fluttering pulses.


i watch him as he speaks - his hands moving awkwardly as he tries to find the words to say. his eyes shine and my heart's pulse quickens at the realization they shine for me.  i know he's probably nervous. i look for the overt signs of anxiousness but see none. his breath comes easy and his speech is smooth. i listen to the story from his side - the funny parts and the frustrating moments crash into my memory from a different perspective and i can't help but smile. i remember. i remember the cracked upholstery of his car, the embarrassment of spilled soda staining lobby couches, his hands gripping the steering wheel and turning white as i explained what the last boy did to me. i remember it all. and hearing my story come from someone else's mouth is absolutely surreal but beautiful.

i realize then, my story has become his story. we are forever intertwined through His gift of love and hope and redemption.

he glances at me and i catch the clue.  my turn. i pick up where he left off and continue to share - this time from my own memories. we continue like this for an hour and a half - like a symphony complete with moments for rest and crescendos. every time he speaks, my heart grows. every time he catches my eye, i can't help but smile. every time i share, i fight the strength of emotion.

we finish and climb down the stairs, making our way to our seats. he places his arm around me and pulls me close.

"i love you." he whispers in my ear - his breath caressing my cheek. i wipe the tears of gratitude and glance his way, memories still playing against the screen shot of my mind.

i grab his hand and give it a squeeze, our fingers laced together like the formation of our story. he smiles at me and i whisper, "i love you too."

Posted on March 10, 2010 and filed under fluttering pulses.


it snowed here today. you may read that sentence and not really think much of it, but um...

i live in austin, texas.

yeah. so, when i left school this morning around 10 because there was already about two inches of snow on the ground and the temperature was dropping and i didn't really want to drive on sloshy highway...i called Russ.

"Hey babe. I'm on my way. How's the weather in Austin?"

"Eh. Not bad. It's just misting."

just misting.

shortly after we got off the phone, the white stuff came falling from the sky in downtown austin and suddenly my twitter feed was full of people exclaiming their excitement. and i admit, as i pulled into my apartment about an hour later and these huge flakes fell on my nose, i felt like a little girl and smiled with anticipation.

i went on a lunch date with my husband. (we never get to go on lunch dates.) we perused local shops and spent time talking with a brazilian friend who owns a shop in central austin. i took a three hour nap. on a week day. can't even remember the last time i was able to do this. and now i'm up - despite the hour creeping past 10 - spending more time with my love because school has been delayed tomorrow morning.

i think i may go cuddle some more.

what do you do on snow days?

Posted on February 23, 2010 and filed under fluttering pulses.

first steps

i'm not sure where our story begins. at least not in the traditional sense. you have the standard story: boy meets girl. boy and girl fall in love. boy and girl gets married, have kids, buy a home and live happily ever after. in case you haven't noticed, we typically shy away from tradition.

there are certain moments in each of our lives pointing to this beginning: my trip to Haiti. working with Invisible Children. meeting friends for life who shuck the status quo.

Russ is much of the same, but his core is different. for him, it just makes sense. (and this is why i love him so.) he knows what it's like to gain a father who chose him. he knows what its like to share everything but blood. plus, with over 140 million orphans in the world, he can't rectify not doing something. (like i said. this is why i love him.)

and so the process of allowing God to build our family began. two years ago James 1:27 began to rise up and tap me on the shoulder. it was simple yet convicting. what had i done to bring hope for the orphan? what had i done to comfort the widow? how had i let the world's standard of acceptability and normalcy corrupt me? i began to realize there was no choice. adoption is in our very veins as Christians. we are adopted. we were forgotten and left alone and orphaned and hurting. God in his mercy adopted us as his children. we were rescued.

i couldn't get away from it. people in my twitter stream started mentioning their own pursuit of adoption, i'd get in the car and the radio program would be talking about adoption. i'd pick up the paper and some lady was featured about her recent adoption. i'd go read a friend's blog and realize she was was everywhere. so i prayed. i started reading blogs and praying for those going through the process. i started praying for Russ and me - believing when the time was right - God would let us know. he began placing countries on my heart: uganda, haiti and india at the top of the list. for awhile, i assumed international adoption would be the only way we'd go. until recently. slowly, he began opening my eyes to the need nearby. in Travis County there are 174 kids waiting for adoption. waiting. never before had i considered domestic adoption. i was now. i prayed and waited and prayed some more - knowing i wanted to be ready.

yesterday we took our first steps.

we began the foster/foster-adopt training at Austin Stone and i couldn't be more excited. we don't know what's going to come of this training. logistically, we aren't at a place to take in any kids. a small, one-bedroom apartment isn't necessarily conducive to the whole home-study section of any adoption process, but we know God is bigger and his heart for adoption exceeds our limits and expectations.

so. whether we are in this training to prepare our hearts for some precious little one God has predestined as our son/daughter or whether we are in this training to gain more knowledge about the process and offer hope and comfort and rest for those going through with it, we are ready.

first steps have never looked so huge.

Posted on February 16, 2010 and filed under adoption, fluttering pulses.

my valentine

There wasn't anything out of the ordinary about the day. Outside of the freezing fog falling around our car, we tapped into normalcy and made our way to the church for worship practice. "when was the last time you were out here, love?" I turned my head towards Russ' question and began to think. The town is small, one where if you blink passing through, you'll miss it. A smile formed on my lips as I remembered.

"9 years ago this week."

9 years ago this week, our story began. And as we pulled into the parking lot of the church that offered a catalyst in the future of our love story, I couldn't help but laugh. My God is so into details. I let myself reminisce about that evening - totally unaware of this boy who would make my knees wobble and my heart shake every time he'd touch me. I didn't know yet what seeing him worship would do to me. I didn't know yet what it meant to leave someone in the morning feeling as though you were tearing away from your own self.  I didn't know yet the heartbreak we'd experience and the coming alive that would soon follow.

9 years ago, God began to unfold a story I never would have believed. And as we pulled into the church and memories came crashing down and Russ quickly grabbed my hand and landed a small kiss on my knuckle, I knew I couldn't wait to experience the ups and downs of our next chapter.

Posted on February 15, 2010 and filed under fluttering pulses.