What's Saving Me Right Now

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Little Lion's curiosity:  

Within the past month, Jubal's mental capacity to understand questions and accept curiosity has been staggering. He's always processing. Always pulling and pushing and uncovering and pinching and tasting and shaking. It's amazing to watch and it may sound silly, but it's helping my own processing: how am I staying curious? What currently has my attention? 

It's so easy to just roll with the punches and live life in one fell swoop, but I want to accomplish more than work and sleep (which feel like the only things I can accomplish on some days). 

So his curiosity is pushing me to be more thoughtful. Intentional. How am I spending my days? 


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Date nights with my love. 

I work from 1-10 every night, and so being OUT and with my love makes everything worth it. Capturing the sunset doesn't hurt, either.  

For my birthday we went to a local bar we love and on the way there I watched as the sky turned different shades of violent and remembered this right here will always be my aesthetic. Lavenders and rose and teal and indigo and magentas merging together to put on one last show before letting the moon take over? 

Always a favorite.

The only thing that could have made it better is if it were by the ocean.


My Book of the Month subscription:

No but really. I will unequivocally state that this is the reason why I'm able to get back into reading after an uncomfortable hiatus. If you know me you know that if I'm not reading, I'm not creating. Plus, there's not much that can make me happier than new books. It's a win-win. 

Books I've gotten through the subscription —

  • Girls in the Moon, Janet McNally
  • You Will Know Me, Megan Abbott
  • Lucky You, Erika Carter
  • Perfect Little World, Kevin Wilson
  • Lies She Told Me, Cate Holahan
  • Emma in the Night, Wendy Walker

and so much more. 


Other moments saving me:

Excerpt from AND IT WILL FEEL LIKE TRUTH 

Excerpt from AND IT WILL FEEL LIKE TRUTH 

  • getting the notice that Jubal Vox's adoption is finalized. For good. Forever. 
  • Coffee, always.  
  • Investing in an iPad Pro and Apple Pencil to take my writing and creativity to a whole new level.
  • Jubal's smile when he wakes up from a nap
  • training new hires at work and using my teacher muscles I love so much
  • pictures and videos of the total eclipse
  • belly laughter with friends  
  • inching along in the memoir word-by-word
  • seeing Spencer Hastings on an episode of NCIS
  • Introducing Air Mattress movie nights to Jubal

For the longest time, I felt trapped. I was so exhausted I couldn't think about doing anything else other than sleep, cuddle little lion, and work. And I was happy and content during these times, but I knew I wasn't doing what brings me the most joy. Even still, I found it hard to care because all I wanted was to curl into my sheets and get some rest.

Because of this, I struggled with why. Why pick up a pen or a book if it's not going to matter anyway? I'm so rusty with words, why try putting them into sentences? 

The Elora who published books and wrote consistently and taught classes on creativity felt so foreign. There were days on end where I had to fight to keep from giving up completely on anything creative. I couldn't write, couldn't read, couldn't do much of anything. But seasons are real for a reason, and I knew it would end eventually. I'd gone through this before, and I would go through it again. I kept breathing in beauty wherever I could, hoping that eventually, the clouds would break and I would be able to create again. 

So beauty, in all of its forms, is what is saving me too. 

Tell me: what's saving you? 

 

Posted on September 6, 2017 and filed under Soul Care, The Memoirs.