a letter to you: one year later.

a year ago, your papa & i decided to find you. i hope you know we prayed for you. i hope you know every day i think about you.

it's been a rough year. some day, when you're old enough, i'll tell you about everything that's happened. hopefully, you'll know our Papa and know His goodness. hopefully you'll see His hand leading us to you the entire way.

because here's the thing little one: i wouldn't trade a second of the struggle i've seen this year if it means it's getting me closer to you. and at times i get a little freaked out and at times i wonder if i can even do this mom thing, but i know He's able. i know once i look in your eyes it will all seem silly. and if He's called me to pursue you and motherhood and risking all my love, then there's nothing else i want to be doing.

our application is almost finished. we're doing everything we can to get to you. i promise. every day i remind myself that we can't rush you just as much as we can't rush ourselves. timing is what it is and we might as well rest in His hands and rely on His movings. if there's one thing i've learned this year is that nothing happens outside His will and everything happens for a reason.

and you know what this means with you? you were meant to be with us. you were meant to be our child.

you are not a mistake.

christmas is almost here - our second christmas knowing we have a little one coming but not knowing when. i can't help but wonder if this time next year i'll be holding you in my arms. i only pray this is true. if not, know we'll still be waiting. know we'll still be praying.

i can't wait to see you.

Posted on November 19, 2011 and filed under Letters.