this weekend we sent in our application to our adoption agency. can we all just breathe a slight sigh of relief about this news?

we just about didn't finish. in order to turn complete this step of the paperwork we each had to write our autobiography. this may seem weird. i mean, i'm a writer. i live for writing. and to be honest, i may have seen this step and thought, "simple. i can do that - no problem."

within minutes of me writing, tears were falling. i got up to "take a break" about five or six times. and when i got toward the end - where russ and i meet, i seriously had to lock myself in the prayer room, turn on gungor's beautiful things, and cry big, fat ugly tears in realization of how God has rescued me.

kinda intense for a simple paperwork requirement. oh wait. nothing about this process is simple. 

so when i left the apartment that afternoon because i just wanted everything to be done and russ was still struggling through his own autobiography and i felt crazy cabin fever and all this anger was welling up inside from out of nowhere....i just had to take a few deep breaths and remember.

God wasn’t attracted to you and didn’t choose you because you were big and important - the fact is, there was almost nothing to you. He did it out of sheer love, keeping the promise he made to your ancestors. God stepped in and mightily brought you back out of that world of slavery, freed you from the iron grip of Pharaoh King of Egypt. Know this: God, your God, is God indeed, a God you can depend on. He keeps his covenant of loyal love with those who love him and observe his commandments for a thousand generations {Deuteronomy 7:7-9}.

don't be fooled. it got ugly before it got better.

we had to take a break from paperwork when i got home. we shut our laptops, hopped on his scooter, and traveled to target to laugh at the crazies battling black friday. we talked about future christmas traditions, shared favorite lines from the cosby show we hope to use on our kids, and ate mediocre italian food. when we came home, we saw everything through new eyes. russ finished his autobiography. i let loose my perfection muddled glasses. and in the morning, we printed everything out and mailed off our first envelope stuffed with information getting us one step closer to our child.

and even though this process may have been the most difficult out of everything we've done so far, there was nothing as satisfying as seeing us check one more thing off our to-do and realizing once again just how far God has brought us this year.

Posted on November 27, 2011 and filed under Paperwork.