the stranger.

over the next two days, russ & i will be sharing our life with a stranger. tomorrow, the social worker will call me. tuesday, russ. and over the phone, we will be asked questions normally not asked by the best of friends. we will be judged, i'm sure - and eventually find out whether or not we're lacking the basic "do-goodery" of a proper parent.

which begs the question: what makes a good parent?

is it your background? your desire to have kids? your calling? is it your ability to budget and lock away an emergency fund?

what about if you have chemicals under the sink or forgot to clean the bathroom yesterday or make your bed? are you a good parent even if you fail to buy toilet paper when you go to the store?

these may seem like silly questions, absurd even. but these questions are eerily similar to what we'll be facing over the next 48 hours when talking with the social worker. am i nervous? yeah. kinda. but at the same time, i'm resting in the fact that this whole process has just kind of left my hands. there's nothing i can control about it. my life is what it is - my past can't change and the fact that i have student loans won't change either.

here's the thing: despite feeling probed and pricked and let's face it - openly vulnerable - the one thing i hope our social worker sees in both russ & i is hope. we may not know everything. i'm sure she'll raise her eyebrow at a few of our answers. and when the time comes for her to walk through our house, there will most likely be something forgotten on the list.

but i just have to remind myself: there is nothing i can do to change His timing. nothing. and before the creation of the world, our baby was formed and loved and planned to fit perfectly within our arms.

and that's enough for me to hang on to - even through the questions.

Posted on December 11, 2011 and filed under The Process.