it's hard to know what to write here. for the past few weeks we've felt some movement but haven't necessarily felt obligated to share everything. there is one thing i've realized though :: suddenly, our life has found a precarious balance. in an instant, a millisecond, our life will change.
one minute, it will be business as usual.
the next minute, we'll find ourselves parents.
it's so difficult to guard your heart through this whole shift. phone calls come, possibilities emerge, and then just as quickly they disappear. we know the drill - we've had friends go through this before and we value their wisdom and stories. it's because of them we have even a remote idea of what to expect.
but even then we can't rely on other people's stories.
THIS is what i'm struggling through right now. i know the importance of story :: i know the value of listening to a friend tell me of how God spoke to her through her own adoption experience. but, her experience is all together different than mine -
...where God is showing me what the love of a Father looks like.
...and He's mending this mother heart.
...and He's showing me how to trust.
...and the Gospel rings True even now - even in the hard spaces - even in moments i want to throw my hands up and say really? there's nothing more to share?
i think this is what propels me forward, the knowledge and understanding that God is working and creating a story all our own.
and this, to me, is beautiful.