in which i get a little vulnerable about faith and support.

I've avoided writing this post for about six months. (There's a lot of these in my draft folder, so - bare with me these next few weeks as I work out the tension of my words.)

A year ago, Russ and I completed a budget sheet for our adoption home study. Since then, we've been approved, I quit my job, we were matched with a birth mom, my novel released and the birth mom chose to keep her baby.

Today, I sent off the last bit of retirement I accumulated since we've been married to the adoption agency. With it, we completed a new budget sheet - one with just Russ' income.

On paper, it looks bleak. On paper, it kind of makes me wonder what the hell we're doing anyway - adopting a child. But then I'm reminded of when we first began when His provision left me breathless or a few months ago when He reminded me He finishes what He starts and I know we'll be okay.

It's been like this from the beginning - this thought of who are we fooling. Us? Handle an infant? Us? Figure out what it means to live by faith?

A few months ago, a sweet friend sent me a message with a check.

Let the church be the church she said. Ask for help - people will respond.

And I laughed because this whole self-reliance thing? I've got it on lock. So when God told me to quit my job, and when He asked me to pursue writing, and when my novel released, and when Russ' raise was about a percentage of what his boss asked for on his behalf....

it all leaves me a little anxious and at the same time, expectant.

Here's the thing: we know God has called us to adopt. We know I needed to quit my job - that sacrificing a few extra hundred dollars a month was worth me staying home when our baby got here.

We don't know how we'll get the rest of the payments.

You see, with a typical birth, most families fall under the protection of insurance. Even if you don't, the monthly payments usually won't send you in the red.

Adoption isn't covered. 

And for us, a couple who can't pay off huge chunks of cash at a time, the monthly payments are the only option - even if this means our process will be prolonged once we're placed.

Every month, we send in 955 dollars.

Every month, we've been able to meet this. Lately, it's been in large part to my retirement + some incredible friends who consistently give.

It's hard for me to say this because I know there will be people who won't understand. I know there are family members who won't understand. You don't see pregnant women posting on facebook or twitter or their blogs, asking for money before the birth.

But this is more than a pregnancy, and this is more than us asking for money. This is us begging for support.

From the beginning, we knew this would need to be a community effort. Countless people told us: don't let money stand in the way of you adopting! And we believed them. We fundraised, we sold coffee, we tried to piece together a puzzle...

...and people responded. They donated. They provided online showers. They bought coffee. Combine this support with our extra income and the payments weren't that big a deal.

So where are we now?

Right now, we owe 8500 dollars. Right now, there's no way we can make the 955 a month payment.

Will you pray for us? I know some may wonder why we don't see this as God closing a door. We think God is bigger than this. We know His heart for the orphan - how it echoes His heart for us - and we believe in His calling on our lives.

If you want to donate, there's a badge on the right sidebar that says "JOIN US || donate".

If you want to purchase my novel, which would help as well, you can find it on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Rhizome.

We are also still selling coffee and still piecing together our adoption puzzle.

And of course, above all, your prayers will move mountains. 

We love you guys.

Posted on October 8, 2012 and filed under Faith.