letters to you :: little lion man

little lion man,

sometimes, it doesn't seem real.

sometimes, in the rush of my day, i forget you're coming. i get sidetracked, you know? 

but there's always this filter running through my heart - a whisper of what's ahead of me - and if I stop long enough to listen, i hear it.

earlier this week your papa and i saw you for the first time. it was a grainy picture sent to us via email. as soon as i saw the picture i felt something shift inside. my heart beat faster. my throat got all tight. my eyes started leaking.

it was the first (of many) tears your mother cried over you. and i sniffed the tears back and giggled because there you were - right there - so close but not here. not yet. 

for a moment, i saw you. you're still so young in this picture - the size of a small vegetable - but with these big eyes staring right at us. it was like looking through some type of portal. a picture of life with you - grabbing for things, squealing with delight, looking at the world with wonder.

it's enough to make me wish away these next few months. but i wait. just like i have these past three years. and i marvel at the way you're capturing my heart not-yet-here but almost-and-so-close. 

- mama

Posted on March 31, 2013 and filed under Letters.